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Musings

Finding a Home

It’s been an interesting few weeks. I’ve gotten brought into a strange (but good!) tech world at Automattic, and had some alone time to feel out parts of myself. I’ve talked a lot here about community, spaces, and loneliness. These feel like aspects of a fundamental void in my life, and one that is shared […]

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Musings

Mental Health Awareness Day

CW: Depression, self harm thoughts, institutionalization, trauma I suffer from severe chronic depression. It’s something I’ve had since early childhood, and I struggle with to this day and probably will till the day I die. In childhood I had some really bad episodes, and have been institutionalized twice, the first time for at least a […]

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Musings

Living / Surviving

Earlier this month, I lost my job. I’m not going to go into what happened, but it’s been a very eye-opening experience. I’ve normally left companies entirely of my own volition before, and that wasn’t the case this time. But I’m not really here to talk about that, I want to explore some of my […]

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Musings

Hopes and Dreams

Virgo season is upon us, and with it my mind has turned to what could be. I’ve been talking to friends about hopes and what I want for the future. The future is an interesting topic. We don’t really have one, not really. Or rather, we have something, but it’s shrouded in fears and confusion. […]

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Musings

Didn’t Mean It

“Hey, I hope you know I didn’t mean it.” Well gee, thanks. I’m tired. Tired of hearing the same refrain when people screw up. Tired of having to reassure people that no, of course it’s okay, no I’m fine. “Look, he’s not familiar with this stuff, he’s not a bad guy.” Are they ever? One […]

Categories
LARP

Just a Little Lovin’

I walked with my lover, hand in hand, looking down at blue gems winking in the green grass when my tears would let me. We stopped, and I heard Death say, “Now it is time to gather flowers for your departed. You will need them.” This past week I spent time at a LARP called […]

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Musings

Femme Glamour

I’m currently reading the book Becoming Dangerous, an anthology about witchcraft and femmes. There’s a few entries there exploring the intersection of femme aesthetic and magick1, whether the armour of lipstick or the power of color. This resonates a lot with me. I previously discussed a bit about how I feel about my femme identity, […]

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Poems Transness

Ode to the Person Staring

When you look,What do you see?Do you think I’m cute,Or strange,Or intimidating?Should I consider myselfFortunateThat you don’t speak?Am I a thingTo fear?To possess?To hurt?To love? I have seen youIn all countriesAll bodiesWearing so many facesThat you all seem the same Eyes without wordsWithout meaningExcept those I hearIn my mind’s eye

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LARP

Stories in Silence

Okay, so visiting one of the topics I thought of before: wordless storytelling games. I’ve played a few of these with little or no speaking, and every time they leave a lasting impression on me, so I’d like to explore that a little bit. For context: when I mean a storytelling game I mean what’s […]

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Musings

Responsibility

I feel like I have a lot of responsibilities nowadays. Rather, I feel like I have new responsibilities. I’ve always had to deal with work, taking care of my cat, my body (hydrate or diedrate!). But nowadays, I have more going on. Sure, there’s the element of representation; I’m trans, and I need to think […]