Echo in NYC

Musing into the void

Finding a Home

It’s been an interesting few weeks. I’ve gotten brought into a strange (but good!) tech world at Automattic, and had some alone time to feel out parts of myself.

I’ve talked a lot here about community, spaces, and loneliness. These feel like aspects of a fundamental void in my life, and one that is shared by so many people I know:


I don’t speak of biology here, but of an intimacy and trust built between people that has a weight and permanence. Family is something spoken of often, though what that means is like queer: nebulous, critical, and very personal.

One thing I have been thinking about is how stability develops. As someone who intentionally avoids defaulting to normative relationship structures, it’s something that’s elusive. Once you reject the social norm, what do you build in that space? And how can you make it last?

I feel that one major advantage of things like dating, marriage, and biological family is that there’s a shared social contract. Everyone involved has the expectations of what an “ideal” relationship like that entails, and there’s a clearly defined path of progression through stages. It’s baked into our society, our upbringing, our lives.

I’m reminded how it often feels like there’s no future for us. That’s not true, but building a house out of sand feels that way, and understandably so.

Sand or stone, building something that lasts I feel is difficult, but doable. Building those bridges is so needed, and so important. Things are changing in the world, and building something new could perhaps lay down a template for the future.

Past the doubt and fears I, for one, am excited to see it.

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